and as u'll call back very soon. i waited and did what i expected.

i dont know why i said all that. i dont know why i had the courage to say all that. i was suprised to say and end with a clear throat. when we start, we never know when to stop. i dont know why u can think so far when its about the negative, and have to take time to look at our future. maybe i'm impatient. maybe i am. hearing about what u brought up. was shattering. anyway, i know one day i have to face this. i will have to take this. but i'm just hoping that this never comes. because i still and still put in faith to oneday we can let everyone know about us. i look forward to that. that is my greatest wish now. and as tears flow, i get tired. i'm prepared. maybe i'm not. but i took a peep on the worst that's going to happen.

one minute seems so hard to pass.

u dont have to see all this. i dont have to write all this. because i just write so i'll feel better. u can choose not to bother. but this is how i'm feeling.
i cant concentrate. cant concentrate on anything now. i can never do anything when i'm feeling like that. when i'm feeling helpless. i feel sour. i want to call and talk. but i just feel that things might just get worst when i try to make things better. i wont be able to do anything as long as something bad about us is stuck at the back of my head. this is one thing i cannot deny. and u're the only thing that is able to do that. since the start of class, till the end of class. i was just distracted. lost about what to do for u. i look around, hoping to catch a glimpse of u. but everytime i recall about how weak i was to u, i just shut myself away. and when i finally catch a glimpse of u, i felt lighter. when i stood before you and look into your eye, i just weaken. and even if i stand before u and had nothing in mind to tell u but just to kneel down and tell u how i much i wanted a hug. i forced myself to turn away and act like nothing happened. walking in the rain, was how much my heart was tearing. i looked around. just hoping not to shed a tear in front of my friend. i talked to him, nothing much. talked to him with no sense in a distracted mind. i just wasn't myself. looking at my phone countless times, browsing through your website time and time again hoping to know how you felt. but everytime i look, everytime it pierces through my heart, to realise that i dont matter. my problem i know. so just leave me for myself to solve my problem. u have your own problems. and i dont see a need for u to worry for me. in my mind, it was only u. and as minutes and minutes of this day passes, i realise how important u are already in me, in my life. u might just be losing grip on our love. but i've never held this any weaker. because i love you dearly. and i've never given up on anything for us.

match update.

nationals first round.
12th: 21st mar, 3.45 AHS vs Queenstown
55 vs 45
(9) 1-3's

13th: 23rd mar, 1.15 Bukit Panjang Gvt vs AHS
60 vs 63
(10) 2-3's
FOULED OUT. HAHAHA.

come back dearie!!

baby's in malaysia now. though its only two days that u're staying there but i just cant bear to say bye to u. tonight's the first night and i cant deny that i'm missing u like mad already. please take care there cause i dont want u to come back sick. have fun there!! i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you imiss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you DEARIE!! hahah. though it doesn't seem as though i wrote alot of times but its hard work writing so many times okay!! i didn't copy or paste or whatever shit. it was pure manual work. haha. so i hope to see u again as soon as possible. because i miss you!! i love u darling. come back. :)

all-stars.

so i was happy that i got selected to go for the all-stars game. to play for east zone with the best, is my honour. other zones had many players. but east only had 8. me and weiyang from anglican high. sheldon from manjusri. yong qiang and chee siang from chung cheng. jian liang and rui cheng from dunman. and lastly zhi guang from tampines. it was dam fun. we got there then we were not allowed to warm up with balls. we played against the north zone for the first game. we lost by quite abit. but it was because we heaven warm up while the other team had. then second game against south zone, lost by 1. then last game against west. was a draw. so we had to play 3rd and 4th placing match. against north. we won by like 9 or 11. we played properly that match. previously we were like playing a fool trying out each other. haha. so we got 3rd. theres no prize for 3rd and 4th. only first and second. but i guess, i dare say that we can actually get first. quite easily though. i feel i played not too bad that day. still up to expectations. but i dont think i'll have any chance for getting into the combine schools team. i have confidence in myself. but still. looking at how strong the other payers were, its going to be some miracle happening for me to get selected for the combine schools. besides i'm one year younger than most of them there. so priority is still theirs. most importantly i had alot of fun on thursday with the east zone team. knowing them is my honour. and playing together was one of the best thing that happen in basketball this year.

miss u.

i dont see u much recently dearest. i miss u. i really do. i want to see u and hug u and never let go. i have so much to tell u. i've got so much to pour out to u. i know u'll forget me when u're with your friends. but at least show me some love when u're alone at night? tomorrow i'm going overseas. i just wanted to meet u today. cant u tell how much i wanted to see from my voice just now? i know u're busy. i cant do anything either. i just hope u'll excel. i dont want to add more troubles to u. i love u.

i'm going to give up on you already. u made me felt like this so many times already. and then by the time u realise it, u come apologizing to me. u wants us to be close as and when u like, when u dont feel like, u basically dont bother about me. u told me many times why i always pull the close people around u away, but think for me. dont u do the same to me sometimes? disappointed. u trying to do too much at one time.

bonding camp.

we got to the campsite, sentosa right after the finals. having a lost, i wanted to go home and just forget about everything. i didn't had any mood to go for any camp or celebration. so the class divided into two groups at the camp. my group had instructor charles and the other group had instructor willie. i'm so glad that i got instructor charles. dont ask me why, ask the rest of the class. everytime we could cheer i would cheer the loudest most of the time. i cheered my heart out. i cheered my pain out. the pain in my heart. the pain of losing. it helped. it definitely helped. especially when the class cheers together.

overall, i thought the camp sucked. the food wasn't good, and it wasn't enough for the guys. the bathing facilities suck like crap. other instructors suck like mad. i'm sure many from my class agree with me. besides we paid 48bucks just to go there and torture and get scolding from.

so activities were alright. i loved the last one. the LOST! it was actually amazing race in sentosa. it got our class to become closer to work together. we had 2hours. and had 5stations to go to. we spent 1hour on the second one. so we were left with 3 with 30minutes left. can u believe it? we finished and rushed back to campsite and was late by 5minutes only. and we're the first one to return. so i felt that was quite meaningful for us to work together.

after camp, 12 person, zhengyi, chester, chunyong, yuhua, jovan, weiyang, leon, leeyang, kenyang, andy, weehoe and me went to dhoby gaut e-games to play lan. it was quite fun la. then took mrt back to tampines bout 9plus alrready i think. then i walked to dearie's place and met her for a short while. i was good to see her again. upon seeing her, i forgot about losing. hugging her was the best time i had since the lost.

i saw what zhengyi wrote on his blog of our class. i agree that we were arrogant in the camp. i know we have to keep our ego in check. but the words u used was really harsh towards us. if it was others who wrote it, i guess we wouldn't even care. but because its u my friend, thats why some got really angry. because u were from our class and u were a part of us before. besides that i actually agree. but in the camp, it wasn't our intention to behave like that most of the time. i guess its when we cheer, it makes us arrogant. willie actually asked us to do all that confident cheers. i dont blame him, but it was a fact.

in the camp. some thought that it was a waste of time. because we 3f was already bonded. but i disagree with that. i didn't felt that we were bonded already. our class are bonded in different small groups of our own. but u all dont realise. just think back in the camp, when some were trying to cheer loudly and others who sat there quietly doing nothing. think about when our class gathered together and there are other people still taking their time to walk towards us and gather. if u all felt that we were bonded already, then shouldn't u all be open and sporty enough to do anything in front of each other? instead of being shy and all. some said that if there was a cheering competition, we would win. we might win, but will be our loudest? did everyone put in heart and cheer loudly together? some people show attitude when we're doing activities together. i dont know why they want to behave like that.

my finals.

we lost. lost the zone finals again. lost it to chung cheng. i wouldn't mind losing this match. i wouldn't mind losing it to another better team. i really wouldn't mind. chung cheng basically played well on the finals. they were on-form. the gap was always 10. we were always behind by 10. and when we try to catch up to 7 or 8, they shoot a 3 in. thats how irritating it was that day. well my 3 points was off at the first half. then i thought coach was very disppointed at that time. second half i started making and when it seemed possible to come back, they make a foul-in. chung cheng haven't lost a match since c' boys. that makes them arrogant. i cannot deny but that is a great record. a record that i guess no team has done it. before the match i was ready to bruise. i was ready to run till i vomit. we promised to run. but the end, we still lost to them. in my heart, i was crying. crying very badly. i just wished that time could go back again and everything shall start again. i'm sure if we play again, they won't win. many blamed the referee. many felt that the referee didn't call good fouls. but to me, i felt that we still could win. even if the referee were biased, we still could have done it with our ability. the lost, i did not blame anyone, expect myself. many thought i did well already. but in my heart, i know i haven't perform to my best. despite how much i tried and my greediness to win, still i failed. i did not give up until the last whistle blew. i gave a good fight without regrets.

finals.

finals.
11th: 9th mar, 3.20pm Chung Cheng vs AHS
67 vs 53
(16) 4-3's

good match.

played semi finals yesterday with ngee ann. we played well. won by 30. so i guess everyone is satisfied with this result. shooting percentage was quite impressive. weiyang step up. scoring was better. i'm glad our team is in the right track.

so i was freeking tired last night after the semi's. then i got home and i still had to do this stupid chinese compo i owed teacher. i wrote one paragraph and i give up. just too tired. by the way i was on the phone with dearie. and she refused to let me do my work at first. hahaha. but its alright la.

this morning. tough, tough, tough to just get out of bed. but i drag myself our of bed after the alarm rang non-stop for a couple of minutes. haha. so dam tired and i still had training this afternoon. so now we're clear how we're going to play chung cheng on thursday. i hope to win this final. i really really hope. if not the whole bonding camp is going to be living hell.

bonding camp is this thursday but i'm not at all excited. instead i feel its going to boring.

school today. still trying my best to do all i can. luckily i understand emaths today. hopefully i'll do well for the chinese test yesterday.

fucking yow yow potato gave me a dam demerit point. my first demerit point in 3 years in anglican. i'm so going to hate this yow potato. he just cant outtalk me in the end. so he decided to give me that point. i didn't apologize. neither did he allow me to explain whatever i wanted to say. freeking fat and short shit. he gave me that dumb and stupid point because i put my leg on the table. i mean all the teachers are open and they dont mind if i do that. even if i do that, they'll just tell me to put my leg down. this stupid potato just wants to make my life difficult. I PROMISE HE WILL REGRET GIVING ME THAT POINT. thanks class for making life for him in our class living hell today. (sorry people, i just want to write to vent my anger.)

got home with zhi hang. and i realised that he's really a great senior. never, never has a senior talked to me so much about themselves. neither has any shared thoughts with me. so we talked really a lot while walking from school to the bubble tea shop and in the bus till we both drop off and went seperate ways.

i cant be bothered with u. again, i know its hard to hold someone close. come to me when u need me. go away when u dont need. i cant be bothered anymore.

sorry dearie. told u i was in a bad mood. so just ignore me or something la. give u a call soon.

match update.

semi finals.
10th: 6th mar, 4.30pm AHS vs Ngee Ann
83 vs 53
(15) 1-3's

great dinner with friends today.

had training this morning at 8am. ZZZZZZZ. so freeking early. so i tried to get up at 6.30am. and of course i failed to wake up. haha. so i finally manage to pull myself out of bed at 7.20. quickly bathe and pack my bag for the day. training was alright. chunyong came later then rocket. so he promised a steamboat for me. hahahahhaha. shiyang, zi qi and all came back to train with us. after training, me, weehoe, k.c, zhi hang, rocket and junyi went to 58 to eat. then got back to school again. CAUSE ME AND WEEHOE HAD LEADERSHIP CAMP. hahahha. i wanted to go and experience it in secondary school. weehoe was forced by weixiong to come and i kinda ask him to tag along with me. the camp starts at 8.45. but me and weehoe entered at 12plus. cause we had bball training. i expected the camp to be BORING and all. but luckily the guy speaking was quite funny and all. but the most important part is that i learnt quite a few things from this camp. i learnt about this 'DISC' tool.

every person represents either one of those letter. every person is a mixture of these 4 letters. so i can do some graph plotting about myself and the guy speaking could tell me what kinda person i am. quite amazing. and then we shared our graph results around. then i could like understand about the people around me better.
'oneday i hope to learn the art of being able to tell whether a person is a D, I, S or C just by looking into their eyes at first impression. '

after the camp. me, weehoe, andy and zhengyi got down to tampines mall and lan for around 1 and a half hours. then met chunyong on the train to marina bay to meet andrea, jovan, leon and weiyang. then got there then we had steamboat. it was fun. everyone just ate and ate.

after that, all decided to go for bowling. bowled for awhile then everyone decided to go. it was quite some time before i last bowled. so i was quite nervous on my first throw. haha. but luckily i still played well. i got 170 for the first game. call it lucky or whatever. hahaha. second game i couldn't finish it cause everyone was like leaving the palce already. so we just quickly finish the throws.

then me, andy and chunyong took cab from marina bay back home. to simei, tampines then to pasir ris. to chunyong's place, it was already 11plus. then to my place it was 13++. to andy's, probably almost 20. hahaha.

so i got home. now i'm blogging and i'm tired. i didn't do well for bio last week. now, i'm determined to study harder for monday's chinese test. hopefully i'll do better to pull my grades up.

you!!! what a disppointment. thats all i can say.

match update.

last match of second round.
9th: 2nd mar, 4pm AHS vs Manjusri
54 vs 38
(5) 0-3's