Shizuka Uchida.

she hit me the hardest when they left. she won my heart when she gave me that warm smile and showed me how much she appreciated my cheers. she never failed to smile, and shake my hands politely.

Shizuka Uchida, ASHITERU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fiba.

sorry that i haven't been blogging for a really long time. some might just that it that this blog is dead or something and stop visiting it. but i know some still hopes to see a new post and constantly visits this blog.

well, overall, my life is changing and it is going to take a big turn. things are so different now, i really have to depend on just myself. there have been many things that are disappointing, but i know it happens in just time to come.

looking at the time, what the fuck. i have training in the morning and i dont give a fuck. i just want felt like blogging. actually i felt like blogging so many times, but i'm just too tired to do all these.

i went away to taiwan this holiday. it was freaking great for me. it was a good chance for me to know some people better, to get closer to some people, to learn so much so much from seniors and from all the friendly matches. though i spent a lot of money, i didn't feel the heartache. thats what i like about holidays, i really can get away from everything. all my burdens, and stress. lets say i'm in s'pore and my dad gives me 500 to spend for shopping. every cent that i take out, hurts me. i dont know why, but in a way or another i'll be thinking about many things.
taiwan was great, the food and company was almost perfect. i missed the bubble tea and all the small snacks over there. i kinda wish that i could just live over there.
do you know how friendly the people are? even though the people dont know you, but they still great you when you enter their shop and it just gives you a very heartwarming feeling.
mitchell's right. we can just smell the stink of arrogance of the Singaporeans when we're entering the gates at the airport, on our way back. its just a very different feeling, and for Singapore to turn into a country with so much courtesy is almost impossible.

coming back to Singapore, i had to play SICC Junior Invitational. its a golf tournament by-the-way. remember that i was actually rejected? but my dad called me up when i was in taiwan to inform me that there was some mistake with the entries and so i got to play. well, i was elated knowing that i could play. overall i played the tournament quite well, at least my expectations. i ended up in 9th position in my age-group. i know i could have done better, at least i proved to myself somethings i thought i could never do. i played 84, 76,78. first day was screw up la, i dont want to talk about it.

recently, i was busy with the FIBA tournament held at the Simei ITE. my job was actually to mop the floor and pick up some balls. but i ended up doing nothing because there's really nothing much to do. so i simply sat there and watch the matches.
well, i learnt a lot watching the matches. Japan won my heart. and i support them all the way. there's nothing to give up even though you have 3seconds left. i saw a winning shot right before my eyes from the 3-point line. so, there's nothing to give up at any point of time. and i learn much from how players should behave on and off court.
how i just wish that i could play at that level of game oneday, where there'll be supporters and help from everywhere.
Shizuka Uchida lives in my heart.

Christmas this year, nothing great. actually whats so big for me on Christmas. for me its simple, i just want to let some people know that i love and care for them. let some people know that i cherish the friendships we have. if some simple dont get it, then i'm sorry but i think i've put in effort some way or another. my Christmas have been boring this time and i dont feel anything. i just need a break, from my life. i wish that everything or just anything can just stop. i wish i could take a break. i feel like i'm suffocating from something. looking at the path in the future, there's nothing to look forward to. whats going to happen when school starts. am i going to be worst than how i am now.
my greatest blessing this Christmas, is that i got to get close to great players i never thought i would ever have the chance. my chance to learn from them and my honour to take pictures with them.
i'm not looking forward to new year either. i'm just sick of thinking about the resolutions i failed to make and think about new ones. i think i'm just a failure sometimes.

i remember that i vowed to enjoy myself to my best this holiday. i cant..... i just cant.. i just cant be happy, purely happy.

be happy for me because i'm doing all the housework all by myself now. my maid went back to Phillipines for 3weeks for Christmas. and so i have to wash my clothes and everything. its making me go berserk because there's so much to do. just be proud of me because you know i'm a spoilt kid.

i just want to fly away. just fly away.
just to spend a day with you.

taiwan.

thats right, i'm going off to taiwan in about 12hours from now. lets say i sleep for 8hours, then 4 hours from the time i wake up. hah. i'm going there with the team for friendlies and to have fun with my friends. this trip sounds really fun, but there's really many things that i cant bear to leave behind.

its really sad that it all turn out like that. i hope that we'll still catch a glimpse of each other before i go off. if not, then its okay alright. dont be too upset about anything, because i'll definitely be thinking of you.

again, this time. i pack my luggage last minute. i dont know why i'm like that, but i just dont feel the sense of urgency yesterday night to do it. its always like that for me. if i dont feel the sense of urgency then i probably wont do anything. thats bad right. hah.

again, this time. i'm heading to the airport all by myself again. my dad's not in s'pore and my mum's too busy to see me off. anyway i'm used to going there all alone and get everything done. and now, i prefer it this way. i want to be alone everytime i leave.

this time, i'm sharing room with huiwen. thats one thing that i'm looking for, for this trip. think its going to rock big time when he's in the room. haha. its quite cool to go for a trip with my seniors and juniors. haha. everyone all together.

i'm going to buy many things for myself i'm sure. i brought a bigger luggage so that i can bring more stuff back. oh ya, i'll be back on the sunday night. 10thdec. so... see you all people again when i'm back.

went to church today and got spurred on by something pastor Kong said.
if the world is represented by a village of 100population.
80 stay in sub-sided environments.
57 are asians.
45 are educated.
35 Christians.
6 are rich.
AND
ONLY 1 has a university degree.

and what does this tell you? if you get a degree, you're better of than 99% of the world. so whats with the bullshit about, s'pore is so stressful that getting a university degree in s'pore is so common and its becoming nothing. this fact spurred me on to studying harder.

something else made me think a lot too. pastor Kong said,
a man lives approximately for 30,000 days.
if you're a middle age man, you probably are left with 15,000 days to live.
one-third is spent on sleeping.
another third spent on transport, staying at home or chatting with your friends, etc.
so now you're left with 5,000days left to do what you want, and to make a difference in this world.
isn't it scary to think about all these?

its worst for me. thinking about all the injuries i have, i probably have one-third of my life shorter than others. so i think i better start doing what i want and to make a difference to this society.

thank cell group for praying for me today. i'll be fine, and you all take care in s'pore.

i stopped playing golf for quite awhile. giving myself a break again before going back for all those tournaments. anyway, i got rejected for the SICC Junior Open. got rejected in 2004, now again. so dam irritating.

somehow, i'm not very excited about the trip tomorrow. there's really too many things and people i cant bear to leave behind.

please please take good care of yourself every day and night when i'm not around.

God Bless everyone.

see you all on the 10th.