Bali.

There are many promises we made along the way, and dreams and wishes we shared. i remembered the things we wished we could do together when the time was right, when we were independent enough, and when we were brave enough to just be with each other. sometimes i think i'm dumb, to be senseless, to always show how much i care, miss and love only when i don't see you at all. between us, its always like this for me.

Its all the simple things about you, that make you so ever special to me. its weird, i'm afraid its some kind of an obsession at times. but funny it is, i don't care because its to you. the simplest things about us, from the things you bought for me, made for me, to the shirt you liked and told me its your favorite, to the top you said i look best in, and the songs to forced me to listen because they always held meanings to us. i wear them when i miss you and listen to them when i think of you. even when i know nothings ever going to work again, i deceit myself willingly. for you, i don't mind being the silly.

Whenever i'm in new places, you're the person i wish could be with me. shoulder to shoulder, with you in my arms. even when you can't be around, i keep my memory fresh because i want to share everything with you one day. and i promise you that if we can break free one day, we will go to all the places you wanted to go. funny it is, but through it all, all i see is you.

Don't ask me questions, don't ask yourself, and don't bother about us. because we're just this way, and let's just face it. face it that i miss you so dam freaking bad but can never fucking be with you. don't try to do anything, i'm already used to feeling this way. and you're so fine with your life like this. i don't even want to think anything too much about you, because my limited brain can only take so much of you. and i'll keep those that i like, that i like just nice.

You want to know the first thing i did when i got to Bali today? i went to your favorite Macdonalds and ate the freaking chicken taste so good i know you would be jealous. but don't be, cause you're all i'm thinking of.

I'm tired, i'm going to sleep. i know you'll catch germany against spain tonight somewhere. can't see you, but i know we'll be sharing the moonlight.

This is just what i have to say, too tired to convince you.

Nothing But You.

There is something about you that i cannot quite forget. it stays in me, somewhere. and regardless of how i try to forget, or how busy i try to be, you'll always surface somewhere. and i hate it, because it makes me feel like shit. of course there are happy memories, but after every smile you gave me, i would frown after. frown because there isn't anything to smile about now and frown because we've lost everything we used to share before.

These memories are the most precious of what you have gave and left me with. and i know nothing can take them away from me. each time i daze and think about you, its that same emptiness, the same guilt and regret that lingers in my heart. feelings that with time, have not diminished. its these emotions that proved to me the importance of you being around, and how much i wish time could rewind.

Its been a long time, and we've been through ups and downs. so much have happened and changed, and i hate to face it that its impossible again. i never believed in impossible, and the harder i try, the harder i fall. and the worst i feel. i know there is no right or wrong, but for you, i'll take the wrong because i feel pain when you are wrong.

Its so hard to look back, i hate to look back. i hate the fucking memories you left me with. i fucking fucking hate them. i wish i could just forget about you. the fucking memories made me go back to you, and these fucking memories made me want the old you. these fucking memories made me want to spend the rest of my life with you, only to know that since X years ago, it was already impossible.

I'm already tired, so let me have my sleep.