Unable.

Everything running in my head, i cannot seem to be able to word things out. A kind of pain that made me forgot to smile, to be happy, to feel free and without restrains. I cannot stand to see it all, that how slowly and yet drastically things have changed. The need for me to hold your hand while you walk, to keep away from the food you love, the need for you to slow down in everything that you do, the need for you to feel awful after a meal and stopping by to try to puke because you feel unwell every now and then, the fact that you have no medicine and food to keep yourself going, and my disability to be a responsible and filial son. It sickens me, i feel like puking, feels like i hit concrete on my head, ive lost my emotions.

People that matter the most don't see it, only those that are on the peripheral. You can leave me, because i have never made you happy. I thought that feelings and matters were stronger than it seems, but its nothing but a surface of flakes. A wisp of wind is enough to tumble any arrangement set. Ready for anything my ass, no one's ever ready. Ready is only something i came up in my mind, with an imaginary you. Reality is another, nothing really works out. Time don't permit, fate don't permit and most importantly, you don't permit. At this point of time, my heart is cold and already shattered. What difference would you make?

The heart is really spoilt. If the meds don't clear on wed i really don't know what to do. Disappointed? Then again, how much more disappointed can i be? Is everything a test of feelings? Like how much you can dig out of me, you know what, bring it on just bring it on. I hope everything goes downhill and you dig me up empty so i'll have it worst and never to feel like this again. Let this be incomparable ever again. For once, i want to stay within the fence and not leave, i want to be away without anyone knowing where i am.

Yes you, what difference do you make? You, you, you, you, you, you and you? Do you think i really care about what the fuck you think? I don't even know what i am doing everyday. So don't come here if you hate me because it fucks you up. Don't come here because i don't need shit, i don't need your shit ass sympathy. If you think i'm weak, think again. I'm much stronger than anyone, anyone including you. Because i am named this way.

Time to fuck off to my bed.