Mark a Year Away.

2008 was really fast-paced. so fast, i couldn't make the best of the time i had. i couldn't catch my breath. i still remembered the first month of 08 when i had a lot of excitement, enthusiasm and energy for VJ. it feels just like yesterday that i was still a year younger, i feel like a freshman. 

but it's more than just words that i can describe 08 when i look back. when i ask myself, what's the most important thing that has happened to me, or anything that has changed my life. i couldn't answer myself. perhaps, i didn't think hard enough, i didn't give myself enough time to. but there were many many small little events and experience that made me learn. not just about anybody, but also about myself. 

i dont want to curse and swear about the downside i realized more about myself. no one is perfect, so just accept who you are and live life. no doubt, you have to change a little to have some kind of self-improvement and to work towards the ideal personality you have in mind. but i really wish to emphasis that i strongly believe that your friends will somehow be able to accept how eccentric, crazy, retarded, egoistic, horny, fucked up-whatever there is, you may be. and if you think hard enough, you realized that the closest around you will just about have a few of the traits you thought of yourself. the saying-birds of the same feathers flock together. how true. 

to be honest, i had a disappointing 08 and i only wish to have a better 09. i felt like i have wasted time doing nothing. i haven't been able to take a step closer to any goals i've set in mind-i was way off. i haven't been as disciplined i ought to be, i was distracted. i didn't know what i was thinking throughout the year and it hurts to bad, so bad to think about it now. 

halfway through JC and i can truly say that VJ has changed my life. its something, a milestone that took my life to another degree, another level. i'm not living the life i had in 07, 06. its a whole new thing right now, and i'm just getting used to it. 

there are many happiness but also sadness through the year. the basketball team has just been one of the best thing that happened to me. we've experienced sweet victories and also defeats. we went ahead of ourselves and felt the pain and agony of defeat. we also came from behind and did the unexpected. i truly felt how hard work paid off and the satisfaction of team work. more than a million thanks to wanxin who taught me so much, so much about basketball. you thought me not only to think about myself, but for others, for the team. i think i wouldn't have grown up so much without you. thanks captain, always my captain! 

sadness when i think about some people who have left my life. some really pass on with age, and some who stepped out of my life. anyway, let's not talk about the sad stuff. 

although 08 has been disappointing in my way, it has been comforting in my way also. i realized that there are so much people around me who truly cares for me. 

Weehoe, for always helping me out whenever i need. i feel most comfortable with you.

Huiwen, for always helping and being there for me in school and during training. i don't think i can survive without you.

Macus, for waking me up at the right times. i think only you truly mean it when you call me a fucker. 

Grace, for all the siglap and tennis. i also feel most comfortable with you.

Julynn, for being there in my whole fucking 2008. 08 would totally be boring without you. so much, so much think and thin together... 

Lydia, for all the eating and talking. i think i wouldn't have gained as much weight if i hadn't known you.  

Clarice, for helping me with all my freaking school work. i doubt i'll be able to promote without you. 

Twins, for all the tennis and love. never thought so much inside-joke can be made within such a short period of time. 

Oka, for keeping me up at your house whenever i'm homeless. you totally rock, soulmate. 

Kenji, for letting me know you're always supporting me. can't thank you enough for that talk till 5am. thanks for sharing your love for sushi with me!

Kaiwen, for naggy so much. but i still love you nevertheless! 

the whole VJ basketball team, for keeping me alive. 

last but not the very least....

Louisa, i can't thank you enough for everything you've given me. and for filling up the hole in my heart. 

love you guys, i think i wouldn't have survive if any of you would step out of my life now. 

i dont want to put down resolutions for 09. i have some plans on mind already and its all about getting it started and done. its not going to be an easy year, its the freaking A's. 

enough said, i'm going to sleep through the first week of 09-what a good way to 'kickstart' the year. and... to let any caring soul know, i'm going to fuck my R's up. you can join me if you want to, i'll love you more!

night folks!

Temper Within.

i realized something.

the more something matters to you, the more the weakness of yourself is showed. the more you want to achieve for something, the easier the ugly side of you shows. it is so uncontrollable, irresistible to just be yourself, to put all your pride in front of everything. 

is my desire to improve, to achieve what i what too strong for others, too strong for myself to even contain. i cannot link up words to really express myself, and it sucks because i think i'm not making sense. 

insecurities, hostilities and vulgarities kills. 

my ugly habit, i love to talk about people. love and hate i can do both.

but it always seem to be the case that i become the person i despise and look down on when i'm in the act. i look ugly losing my temper, and i am despised for being lousy, lousy for the team. 

i cant imagine what i would have said about myself if i was at the side-lines instead. 

i guess i need to give myself a little more time...

i hate this post, for its the first post for 2009. i hate to start like this.

2009 will be better planned, better achieved, and it would be a step closer to all my dreams.