a thin sheet of paper.

man, i'm really hating to blog nowadays. i blogged that night for an hour, an hour!!!! can you believe it??!!! do you know how long that entry was!!!! and then when i was publishing it, my com got error and everthing was lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually stayed up to blog, and i summarised all of the events happening recently, and everything was lost, just like that. that explains RYL's tag on my tagboard.
so..... i put in my heart and soul into blogging that night, but since everything was lost, i wont like remember what i wrote that time and write the same thing. i dont know why, but after writing something before, i cant have the right mood and emotions to write it again. its just different.

school was different today, maybe because its the last day of school. its post-exam activities again, and hell-yeah i think everyone agrees with me that they are boring. today, i played soccer with junrong, chester, ben, yunxiang, weijie and leon. we lost one match and won one match. first match was quite embarrasing, we lost 2-0 on the field with many people watching. and then won at the street soccer court 2-0. i scored the first and ben scored the first. sounds glorious? maybe ben's, not mine. i wasted many chances and i think chester and yunxiang deserves more recognition. hahah. who cares, its just a friendly soccer game. lol.
YUNXIANG IS THE STAR KEEPER. LOL.

talentime was right after the games. yuhua rocked the band man. hahaha. egg-man. lol.
and congrats to their win.

got back our report slips before school end. i dont know what to say, but i definitely didn't do as well as mid-years. and i'm sure that i can do much better. i thought my class position would drop but luckily it remained. lol. okay, here it goes,

L1R5 : 14
Class Position : 11/39
Level Position : 170/395
Percentage : 68%
Remarks: Julian is a conscientious pupil who seeks to clarify his doubts when needed. He possesses the ability to acquire new information, evaluate and put it to effective use. Strive hard for your personal goals!

hahaha. does the remarks part sounds true? lol. anyway, i'll really strive hard to do well next year. how should i say, my L1R5's really a waste. i could have drop it to 11 or 12 easily. i was just too careless. man, i've been really careless this year, all of a sudden, i dont know why. nevermind, its over and i'll look forward to the coming days.

training have been so so today. i wore my new shoes and it feels weird. i think i should shoot more now, anyway, i'm really glad that i'm able to drive now. huiwen still have been great and i think he'll improve more in time to come. just watch and see.

andrea, i dont know why its like that now. its not that i'm always thinking of giving up and stuff, but just..... i dont know...... its like i'm tired and hurt. do you like get it... and i dont want to feel like that. so i think i'll talk lesser to you, because i dont want to start losing my temper. so you can just leave me alone. i dont want to affect you okay.

yingying study hard for exams!!! olevels are coming, i know you'll be reading this. so.... this part is for you. hehehe. are u touched??? i know you are i know you are. hahaha. dont stay up to talk on the phone, or study. instead study in the day and sleep in the night. i think its better. so.... good luck but i dont know how to help you. maybe i'll just pray for you or something. dont be distracted in your last run!! :)

i enjoyed that day!! really. new york new york was great! lol. we ordered too much food and you know what, i was so distracted eating that day. not because of KIM okay. lol. because i was afriad we didn't had enough cash to pay up. did i look calm? lol. but i was freaking nervous inside. like butterflies came out. the shirts are nice! and i really love them. i'm so sorry that you got scolded in the end. it pains me, i'm serious. holidays are here, and so is it toughest time for us. i hope we won't give up so easily and hey, remember the promises. disappointments really spoil my day. and i'll do my best to love and care. always in my mind. :)

i'm going to have good good sleep tonight. and i think i'm hitting the gym tomorrow. anyone interested can contact me. ZzzZZzzZZzZZzz.
i'm sleepy and i'm going to fall asleep. anyway, i'm not in any good moood. i just feel like being alone, on idea why.

oh.... and take care to those who are heading to shanghai tomorrow. my juniors and louisa's friends.
GOD BLESS.

goodnight all.

golden friendship.

this is about a golden friendship.

i longed to talk about it long time ago, but i never had the chance or i never saw the need to talk about it. i gave myself chances, hoping to await for things to change. i thought that what i saw at that point of time, is only momentary. i never wished for that to last for such a such a long time. and i never wanted, wanted it to hurt me, or cause such a bad turn to things.

it just happen so quickly, and i cant sleep like this. so i resort to writing, hoping to feel better and tired.

why does it always have to be like this. u cant accept what i say then why talk to me. why call me a friend when your limitations are so strict on me. why when something happens, u cant just shut up and listen to explanations. is it so tough to listen to them? why u chose to let things remain on the bad side instead of listening to the truth of what people really feel at times.

this might be the way u do things, but hey, watch it when u hurt people's feelings. u can get shit and get angry with someone else, and with your policy that u wont remain angry for long. u talk to me the next moment, i feel weird, i dont know how to open up to you again. the more you do that, the worst i'll feel the next time.

why are u different now. i really dont get it. we used to talk like we've never talked before, but it's been a really long time since. why are u always getting fed up when i talk to u. what the fuck is wrong with you. i really want to scream at you at times and ask u to stop that fuck attitude about getting angry when i dont get angry with what you say.

i know u did a lot for me before, and hey, i thought i saw a true friend. but no matter what happens now, u know i feel indebted to you. and i take it that i dont owe you anything. cause a true friendship, is not calculative. thats to my believe. you've been there when i'm down, and i really really really appreciated it. and if i have the chance to be there for you instead, i'll gladly be there.
but why, why are you making things worst between us that its impossible for me to be there for you. and instead someone else there for you. just weeks weeks before, i couldn't imagine how much things would have change so much. i really couldn't.

i did, i did think about the future. when we were so close, i was thinking quietly, will i be on bad terms with you like how you were with others in the future. and i thought, come on, its impossible for that to happen. how could things change so much, though i had a slight feeling that it'll oneday happen, but i really cannot foresee this day in the near future.

things are not as bad i said, but if we're going to continue to be like this. i'm sure, if things can change so fast, things will go worst than what i say.

you stood so strong by me once before, but also, showed me how easily u just give up on me. what am i supposed to believe in? our fond past, or the dreaded present. you can tell me which one u chose.

i really dont know how and what to do with this mess. its impossible to talk to you about this. you're just too cool for it, and neither can i count on someone to talk you through. to a true friendship, i know i have to count on myself, but if u're still going to be like this, i can never find the chance to open up.

a friendship i thought was gold, doesn't even seem worth a cent to you now.

to all my friends that once heard that a disaster was coming, it has struck and is going to destruct.