Medicine.

What do i do on nights like this when all i think about is you?

To tell myself to not think about you is never helping, and subconsciously doing things that reminds me of you is nothing but full of pain. What do i do when i'm this tired and yet i can never run of images of you in my head. What do i do when its an invisible you having a conversation with me. And what if i lied..

Will you be proud of me? If everything i did was for you after all, if everything i did had you in my mind all this time, if everything i did was to like my dislike just to show you what everything is all about, would it matter.

I can't wait for time to fly, because i don't need to be in a mess. I deserve as much as you, because you let me down.

Walk.

I need to change my jogging route. After all these years, soon.

Gloss.

I seriously don't understand why so many cabs are on Lion King's advertisement. It makes driving a little tougher for me, makes me go over the edge.

Packing up my room is my hobby, its a chore for you. Being able to read those notes is not exactly the easiest, but you can't do. Throwing away stuff i never had the heart to, but easy for you. Tracing my hand over those words.. i have to do it soon.

I'm still finding the heart to do so. Because its so funny and unexplainable why my memory is so selective. It overrides like a wave over the unwanted bringing me into places where i've always wanted to be. But the tide comes down and eventually pulling me back in to realize how much mess i'm in. I'm like gulfman.

What is your motivation. Until today, i still feel the guilt of making a mistake. Is it just me or did you succeed?

I want to know where i'll be if i ride on negativity. I can't even imagine. Because i won't be who i used to be, now you get me?

So much for cheers to not being treated like thrash, cheers to yeah you got your revenge but you forgot its to an innocent party, but a highly deserving one.

Universal.

Time in Brunei was bad. Especially when its not your first time going there, you know how shitty everything's gonna be. With an allergy not yet fully recovered, you start taking some weird ass anti-malaria pill which i never am convinced about. Other than making me feel nauseous all the time with a bad headache, i really don't see the use of it. Time moves really slowly when you know what to expect. I wished it was all a surprise for me again so even if things are that shitty, i'm still on suspense. Bad ass i know everything coming my way except for having to kill and eat some wildlife i really don't want to mention because i still am very sorry about. I had a little of a mental struggle but the whole course did achieve instilling jungle confidence in me. Looking back, it was really quite amazing it felt unreal about everything i did to stay alive.

The jungle makes me go crazy because everything starts from ground zero. Men go through centuries of evolution and there you go, we're trying to mimic what the natives do a few million years ago. I am totally kept out of my comfort zone and though i really hate it, i really like how my whole brain starts reprocessing a lot of things. I start regretting a lot of things and decisions i've made in life. I will tend to realize that there are a lot of simple things in life that i have been taking granted of all the time. I start looking at the simplicity of life again, and how much i really enjoy it. In other words, i look at things i cannot see everyday. Who likes to regret? Ironically, i feel good about all these. It tells me that i have so much more i need to do in life to improve. Regardless of relationships, my well-being and lifestyle and what i want to do in life in the future, everything came through the mind. Its immense to talk about everything. And i don't know why i had to think about you for every second i was in there. Often it acted like some form of encouragement to go on, to press on, to not give up. But at times, it was like a razor-sharp sword that kept piercing through my soul like its aim is to make me so empty i become numb. You occupy the heart and mind, and i don't know what this whole purpose is. I eventually came up with many reasons why this is all happening, but the bubbles burst the moment reality hits.

I think of you the most, when life gets toughest. True story.

What happens if the world really ends in 2012? I don't know why but i believe there's a chance it will end. What the fuck is happening to Japan? Its like nature murder and i get depressed reading up the news about it. Its my dream to be there and before i visited, this has to happen? I wanted to save up enough to get there by myself, but guess i was too slow. Just hope they pull through, and what doesn't kill makes them stronger.

The sun is burning so badly in Singapore, its like code black everyday. The nuclear explosion and the aftershocks is nuts. Libya is crazy, i haven't heard of airpower in action in the longest time till then. Egypt is mad, killing Singapore indirectly. Thailand and Aussie is flooding whenever they want. The ice caps are melting and the supermoon could have flooded low-lying regions. Whatever that is yet to come, is definitely not going to be any friendlier.

Today i went to Universal Studios for the first time and i loved it because i felt like i was back to my childhood. The rides and shows were amazing, the whole experience is something our generation couldn't have experienced back then. Taking the battlestar 11times is quite crazy, but yeah i loved it and now i'm sick of it. Good, so i don't have to go back there anytime soon. Guess, i wouldn't have anytime anymore anyway.

Just got back from a run, feeling like i need to stare out the windows to look at the stars.

I threw the love of my life away. Now, karma just bites back on me.