Leap.

Christmas past, then 2009 left and 2010 came. January babies are the kings this month, they just take it for granted that almost every fucking week we have to celebrate 2 birthdays. we should do it like this, all you jan babies will celebrate on one common day, the last day of Jan. and.. the last day of jan is the actual birthdays of the Djie twins. see, you get what i mean now.

In such a long period of time, yes and no i did gone missing! so much for wanting to go to all the places i wanted to, i cant now. in the end, i could only go to bangkok, macau and phuket. though us, vietnam and japan's down the drain, i have to find contentment in what i'm sacrificing my trips for. its for what i'm seriously regarding as a career.

Bangkok was fun as usual, i've been there too many times to feel any excitement to blog about experience.

Macau was good time spent with mum. i know i might never have a chance like this again, but whatever it is, at least we did it. its true that your mum always treat you the best, because i was like a king in macau. until now, i can't really believe it. first i was given a suite all my myself. and i've never ever ever been to such a big room ever in my life. the best thing is, i am staying in it all alone. there's the king-sized bed, then a freaking tv room, and a ultra huge, luxurious toilet there is a cubicle for the shower and toilet bowl together with 2 sinks, a tub and a make up table. sometimes i don't know whether to just sleep in the toilet or tv room cause i get too lazy to get to the other side of the room. and they really make you feel like king because they address me by my name when i just called service to ask for internet access. oh, i almost forgot. they got my mum and i a bentley from the airport to the hotel. by the way, the ride hardly took 10mins and they chose a bentley?! okay, they really give my mum a lot of face.

Casino's a sure thing. we are in vip room everyday, min bet is HKD5K, until now i still a bit amazed that my mum let me play. though i know she want me to learn, and i really did. not that i learnt how to become an addict, but instead the values my mother have.

When i think back, i slowly comprehend the way my mother did things. i slowly see the indirect means she took to teach me. i start to understand her predicaments and the way she played her cards down, not literally if you get what i mean. she start teaching my things i can never learn from someone else. she teaches me the person she wants me to be and yet in the midst of it all, i actually have a choice. i feel like she is preparing me to see and face the world alone. it even feels like she wants me to impersonate her when she's gone. the thought of that, shudders me.

Phuket was hell of a fun. and i'm too lazy to tell you everything we did. but too bad for those who didn't come along, because you truly missed out a lot. the highlight was yc puking for 3 nights straight. the aftermath of weilun.

We took this at phuket. a picture speaks more than a thousand words. we non-stop engaged in retarded things to do. just like this one.

Other that these trips, i've been through thick and thin with aviation. since that day when i touched the clouds, my new experience is taking-off on my own. which i am truly truly proud of myself. though i don't get as excited as i used to at the beginning whenever i am up there, i am addicted to the satisfaction i get from everything. and i know it shows depth and i am learning. its less of the joyride go up there and enjoy the sights and controls. now its more of you have the controls and you do everything on your own. when i hear myself through the radio transmission over at seletar airbase, i always feel proud of myself because i feel professional. because i am sharing the sky with other professional pilots and i can make the same calls they make. i slowly start to understand what they are saying, in contrast to the wtf that i always say when i hear them speak fast in alien language. now, i can speak alien language, though not as fast as them.

It may all sound easy and smooth-sailing, but in actual fact nothing has been an easy feat. i am mugging everyday and every night just so i can make things right and better for myself. you don't want to go there unprepared and get fucked badly, and i mean real bad. so every morning and night is the usual mental flying through departure and recovery procedures and contents to cover. but i don't fucking regret, because i get more and more addicted. i want to rise up to the challenge and show that i can make it. and i'm not going to give up just yet.

It's a bit of a big sacrifice because whenever ask me whether i'm free on this day this day and that day, i cannot give a definite answer because i know i am planned to fly everyday. i might fly at 8.30am or 4.30pm, i really don't know until the day before. thats why i cannot take the initiative to meet my friends! it'll be worst if i was the one who planned and ps right.

I've been constantly playing pool and i'm also getting more and more addicted. siao liao, need to find more khaki.

Along with all these many and much activities, i've been thinking, non-stop. that how am i going to weave out of everything nicely and make things right for myself and for you. it feels like its impossible to do so, and i don't really know what to do. whenever i know its because of that reason, i feel like i've been punched in the face for no fucking reason. and one day, if things ever reverse, i will fucking hate you. because when i left the world spinning on its own for you, you threw everything back and me. or maybe nothing. and i really don't know what else i can do. but i know its you or never. maybe never.