Doesn't Last Too Long.

Airlaw and HPL exam on friday. keep fingers cross that i can pass them and proceed with the others! i am racing against time, i wish i could do something to buy time. if i can get through all this properly, i would be thankful, so thankful. i am trying my very best, i only hope for some help. i hope someone could lend me a hand, and pull me through. can't imagine if i make it on the other side, i would totally be ecstatic. but if i don't, i know i would totally be heartbroken.

When you put in all your effort into something, you hope you'll get it. when you build your life around it, and you plan life after that. but suddenly, every image you make up in your mind is ruin by someone insignificant. all because of responsibility and pride, you get obstacles totally not worth it. dreaming is good, because it gives you something to work for. and i like to let myself know that the impossibles are once in awhile, possible.

Sometimes i really don't know what to do. when you are in a mess and you need some help, who do you turn to? you cannot turn to anyone, because no one can help you except yourself. there's is no better advice and help other than following your own heart.

I miss you, terribly. and i'm sick of asking for you to be here by my side, it hardly ever happens. besides, you ain't really who i thought you were. i rather things be like this, at least let me remember the way you look and felt as i have last saw you in my dreams.

Its right, because if i wanted something, i would have gotten it back. not unless i didn't want it at all.

Tomorrow to face reality, i'm afraid i'll have that crushed feeling again. i'm afraid its everything stacked together for me, i'm afraid you wouldn't be there for me. but then again, what do you know about me?

So hot and cold, you don't know how you make me feel. it's so overwhelming, i cannot contain all these.

Exceed.

Setbacks, obstacles, failure, troubles and worries will make you stronger if you overcome them. it should make you better prepared for the next similar situation. it should increase your immunity, you should be stronger. if not there is no satisfaction, no reason and no objective to fight them away.

And i should always remember this.

I thought all these should come naturally, progressively and gradually as one grows up. we should be given enough time and separation from each issue, so that you can deal with them properly. and is this the reason why people go in depression, or go suicidal? when everything come crashing down on them and they simply cannot deal with it.

Will you give up and falter upon this and chose to avoid everything. what is going to happen if i didn't believe in myself, what if i didn't put faith in my abilities and what if i didn't have enough strength and determination all along. would i be able to walk so far?

Sometimes i ask god why am i so special. to be able to experience and face so many different things and issues people my age can hardly imagine of. is it all fate or is it coincidence that what you have to face in life is all planned out truly by god? is there really an order to everything that's happening? that each have to happen after one another, or sometimes meant to simultaneously happen. but who deserve to have everything planned out nicely and who deserve to have everything crashing down on them.

Is it all luck?

Or it is for the strong.

I know i have to be strong, because i will fail, i will fall badly the moment i chose to give up. i cannot doubt what i believe in, i have to keep telling myself that everything's going to be okay. but this is so hard, so hard, i can hardly breathe. am i really going to be stronger after this episode, because to face all these again, i can hardly imagine.

Baby, i am crushed. i am so crushed by you. i beg you to stop all these. because you've already gotten what you want, and you've already won, you always win and i can never fight. please don't torture me, because i really cannot take this anymore. you are driving me up the wall, you are killing the balance within me. it was my fault i know, but please don't do all these. you can get anything you want, just stop doing all these.

I haven't been wrong this whole time. i haven't been getting the wrong feeling all these while. i was right, its true that everything's changing. i keep my head clear, i tried to remember how it felt, and kept fighting for the same feeling, but it's impossible. it was impossible since the day i started, because you never was the same. things would never ever be the same, because you don't go for the temporary, you make everything permanent. your place in my heart is made permanent with happiness, but its all sick and sour now. i render myself useless.

I cannot control everything i want to. i need to learn to let go, i have to let go. despite the difficulty, i really have to do it. i cannot chose to detonate. things will come and go, and if i'm fated to get anything back, i would one day. fuck those fate non-believers, because you cannot fight fate. there is only one end to fight fate, is that you will struggle and lose yourself. i chose to prepare myself for whatever fate brings me.

Babe, i am crushed by you. you won, please stop.

Dual.

It feels extremely good that you fight for the things you want, and you get it eventually. you just have to do your part and people can see your sincerity. when things work out, you feel so blessed and when things go the other way, you feel so cursed. not stating the obvious, but i've just been through opposite ends of the world. and just a moment of thought.

My recent movie ratings (best to worst)----> 1) Avatar 2) Law Abiding Citizen (on par with) The Blind Side 4) Tooth Fairy 5) Did You Hear About The Morgan's 6) The Spy Next Door (knnccb show)

PPL finally on course! and its a sense of pride to be in, but similarly, i know what i have to put in to achieve what no one has ever achieved. records are meant to be broken, and now its time for them to broken. kickass!

Chinese New Year is coming, and all the buzz might just drive me nuts. i'm very lazy to celebrate and put up a huge smile and show how happy i am.

I just can't wait to see all my brothers and friends! and i feel for huiwen, he just messaged me after an awful first day at tekong and he super suay kena ninja. hope he come out as a fit ninja warrior yaw!!! you can do it buddy, stay alive!!!

We had each other at every crossroads. and at every one of them, we took each other along. regardless whether the path was for one or two, we always had each other. but this time, we head separate ways. you'll hate me, eventually.

Off to study, RT, AIRLAW, HPL, RATINGS, NAV, MET here we go!

And i can't wait to kick yc's ass tomorrow at vj friendly, and to fight for you, if given a booty chance.

Opposites.

Not proud that i crashed my car.

Very proud that i achieved my first solo.

First solo is amazing, i still can't believe i did it. i guess the feeling of being alone up there would stay with me for quite awhile. the whole thing, i don't think anyone can understand how i feel, unless you have the opportunity i had.

And to make your mother, your instructor, your friends and yourself proud, is great satisfaction.

Its true, that satisfaction spurs me on. and challenge drives me. its sad, real sad when your chance is taken away when you finally chose to commit your life into it. they say, its not the end of the world, but i hate it every way when the most direct path cannot be of use. to hell with people who don't have enough faith.

Its funny how i see people. and when you talk like that you really show me what kinda person you are. you're hideous and you're the typical stir-shit person. and if you ever think that i'm so dumb to tell you anything, you can fuck off cause what i told you might just be shit for yourself.

Everyone is working for god's sake. why work so hard dudes. you are all going to army soon, please find some motivation to party! are you only going to regret not enjoying time when all your freedom is finally taken away from your bald head??

And its true. JC students are one hell of a mugger. during A's, everyone studies like a dog. when the A's are over, they find it weird to stay at home or to party everyday, so they find a job to tell themselves they are not wasting time away. but then again, why draw the line so clearly. life is short, and different opportunities come at different time. you will get your time to work your ass off, why chose to do it now when you can actually have fun. damn.

What if you live a life like mine? its like a show down everyday. and its always like you have to prove something to yourself. though i don't ever fucking regret what i've ever done this lifetime, i will do whatever i can to make things right. and even if i keep failing, i don't want to give up, and i know as long as i want it, i will never falter. and those that come and go, ain't not important to me.

Babe, because i cannot love you any less. and i can't love you any more.