Hammer.

Life's like a blur, spinning real fast. I see you at different steps of my life, but never have i felt this way before. So uncertain, so unsure, so much to wish and pray for and so much strength that i needed. But deep inside me, i know nothing's going to be easy. That its toughness you have to grind it through to make up for who you really are.

I just want to do the things i want to do. There's so much that i'm left to do with such a short time. I just want to make the best of whatever time's left to do what i need to do. But nevertheless, i know i'll surely leave out some stuff again. Because there isn't an answer to every question, there isn't a solution to every problem, and not every will give you a way out. Sometimes its just how you want to live.

December is going to be a crazy month. I want to enjoy every freaking day of it before i lose my life again. Even if i'm tired, i make sure i get better after my rest. I want to prepare for every thing that i planned for myself. Cause i'm going to end 2010 strong.

The past few weeks have been weird.

Training up for a freaking marathon and i don't exactly know how i should go about doing this. But mentally, i made up some kind of training plan. To run every alternate days and to insert gym and pilates every rest day. To engage in more cardio and to carbo load before the race. Of course i need water and sleep badly. Will do will do.

Thursday is exciting, so is Saturday and will be extremely glad on Tuesday i'm sure.

Watashiwa kyoowa tsukareta!

Juujihanni nerundesu!

Sayonara, oyasuminasai!

Hold.

I felt nauseous since yesterday, and i felt like puking and i hate puking. i was so lethargic i slept for 16hours and when i woke up i couldn't do anything. i just didn't have the mood for anything. i went to the doctor's and he said i've got gastric flu and i said okay, he gave me 2days of mc i felt quite happy but not so happy. i was waiting out there to collect my medicine and i took the name card of the dentist's counter. it was for you but i just stared and smiled, does it matter? no it doesn't.

I went to my favorite eatery at simei today. though it never fails to remind me of you, i still had to go there cause i just missed the food too much. especially when you have such a bad appetite, you just want to eat the food you want.

2days of mc, means 2 days of home. i love staying home, but i hate having nothing to do. it makes me think of you, and i don't want to think of you.

I'll just watch as many dramas as i can, thanks manda lots for introducing pineapple express.

The girl in the classroom is quite cute.

Differences.

The past few days haven't been easy for me. I've been thinking, how could two person with so much differences go such a long way back? I mean creating memories, giving love, care and support to each other. You used to be my other half, I remembered I couldn't do without you. It was that bad.

No one is perfect, everyone has their weaknessnes and strength and everyone have their own issues and shortcomings. And with time, I was shown that fantasy cannot outlive reality. You cannot lie about a fact. With love, you can embrace one's weakness. You can lie to yourself, but you will never be truly happy. It would be an issue unresolved in your heart.

We've been through this countless times; a million times. It should have been a piece of cake. I never worried as much before. But this time, it felt like a heartbreak. I've been more upset than I've expected. Upset not at you, but with myself. For being one with such weakness, for not having something to compliment you.

This time, you seemed to have hit on the raw nerve. Feels like you either made permanent damage, or the root of the problem is going to be solved. I thought oct was bad, nov is going to be good. Sadly, a week hardly pastby and its gone bad. Its like another one month of the many, its an statistic.

The toughness to go on without you is inexplicable, but I have to go on. Because you want to be happy, and I have to do it for you.