Temper Within.

i realized something.

the more something matters to you, the more the weakness of yourself is showed. the more you want to achieve for something, the easier the ugly side of you shows. it is so uncontrollable, irresistible to just be yourself, to put all your pride in front of everything. 

is my desire to improve, to achieve what i what too strong for others, too strong for myself to even contain. i cannot link up words to really express myself, and it sucks because i think i'm not making sense. 

insecurities, hostilities and vulgarities kills. 

my ugly habit, i love to talk about people. love and hate i can do both.

but it always seem to be the case that i become the person i despise and look down on when i'm in the act. i look ugly losing my temper, and i am despised for being lousy, lousy for the team. 

i cant imagine what i would have said about myself if i was at the side-lines instead. 

i guess i need to give myself a little more time...

i hate this post, for its the first post for 2009. i hate to start like this.

2009 will be better planned, better achieved, and it would be a step closer to all my dreams.