golden friendship.

this is about a golden friendship.

i longed to talk about it long time ago, but i never had the chance or i never saw the need to talk about it. i gave myself chances, hoping to await for things to change. i thought that what i saw at that point of time, is only momentary. i never wished for that to last for such a such a long time. and i never wanted, wanted it to hurt me, or cause such a bad turn to things.

it just happen so quickly, and i cant sleep like this. so i resort to writing, hoping to feel better and tired.

why does it always have to be like this. u cant accept what i say then why talk to me. why call me a friend when your limitations are so strict on me. why when something happens, u cant just shut up and listen to explanations. is it so tough to listen to them? why u chose to let things remain on the bad side instead of listening to the truth of what people really feel at times.

this might be the way u do things, but hey, watch it when u hurt people's feelings. u can get shit and get angry with someone else, and with your policy that u wont remain angry for long. u talk to me the next moment, i feel weird, i dont know how to open up to you again. the more you do that, the worst i'll feel the next time.

why are u different now. i really dont get it. we used to talk like we've never talked before, but it's been a really long time since. why are u always getting fed up when i talk to u. what the fuck is wrong with you. i really want to scream at you at times and ask u to stop that fuck attitude about getting angry when i dont get angry with what you say.

i know u did a lot for me before, and hey, i thought i saw a true friend. but no matter what happens now, u know i feel indebted to you. and i take it that i dont owe you anything. cause a true friendship, is not calculative. thats to my believe. you've been there when i'm down, and i really really really appreciated it. and if i have the chance to be there for you instead, i'll gladly be there.
but why, why are you making things worst between us that its impossible for me to be there for you. and instead someone else there for you. just weeks weeks before, i couldn't imagine how much things would have change so much. i really couldn't.

i did, i did think about the future. when we were so close, i was thinking quietly, will i be on bad terms with you like how you were with others in the future. and i thought, come on, its impossible for that to happen. how could things change so much, though i had a slight feeling that it'll oneday happen, but i really cannot foresee this day in the near future.

things are not as bad i said, but if we're going to continue to be like this. i'm sure, if things can change so fast, things will go worst than what i say.

you stood so strong by me once before, but also, showed me how easily u just give up on me. what am i supposed to believe in? our fond past, or the dreaded present. you can tell me which one u chose.

i really dont know how and what to do with this mess. its impossible to talk to you about this. you're just too cool for it, and neither can i count on someone to talk you through. to a true friendship, i know i have to count on myself, but if u're still going to be like this, i can never find the chance to open up.

a friendship i thought was gold, doesn't even seem worth a cent to you now.

to all my friends that once heard that a disaster was coming, it has struck and is going to destruct.