Punched.

So, tell me what happens after this?

So what if you get everything you want in life? so what if you achieve everything you wanted to? and so what if everything seemed so perfect? but there is just a glimpse of something you are too sure of how to deal with. something you always thought that you are making a mistake, something you will never be forgiven, something that every right go wrong, and you never go the distance.

With everything moving along, i just wished i could slow down at times, to just sit down and look into your eyes and share with you. you know you are the best companion for me, but you were never there. you know we'll have the time of our life, but you're never there. you chose not to be there, you chose to be somewhere else i don't want to be. a place where i really find it hard to comprehend why i would lose out to, a place where i will never admit defeat to.

If this can hold on for so long, tell me exactly how long more it'll take. i really wish i could let go, wash the wound with water, let it hurt once and for all. time passes and it never helps, i just find it harder and harder to understand anything. honestly i hate myself for being such a loser. if only i could brace up.

Once in awhile, it'll come to this moment where i'll sit down and think. but nothing gets done. i don't know what i'm fighting for, i just feel like i'm stuck somewhere. like in a story i cannot get out of, like in a nightmare i'll never wake up from.

Though i'm scared, i stick my head into it. i'll still do dumb things to find that nightmare. a nightmare unheard of.

The irony is, you haven't played a single part in my life, and yet, you could mean so much to me.

There's so much to tell you, but i guess, you'll never be as proud of me.

I can't make you smile like you used to.