Yesterday's Letter.

don't you agree that everyone grows up with a idol or a hero in their mind? its like someone they want to be when they grow up and every kid just needs to have a hero. everything that this person does seems perfect and right, and you just wished you could grow up and clone this person. some people dream to be cartoon characters, some dream to become animals, and some don't even mind becoming food of their favorite, don't tell me you don't want to be a cheeseburger when your parents say no to MacDonald's. do i make sense? i mean, you rather be something you love than not getting it. at least, you know you'll feel appreciated by people who have a mind like yours. but really, at that young an age, do you even think so much? 

i was thinking for the past few days, and i was thinking, thinking, who was my idol. who was the person that made me want to impersonate and was the one who gave me values. my idol is a give-away and probably one that everyone would guess right at first try. he is no other than my, Dad. 

i wouldn't deny that my relationship with my dad is in any good. and its no surprise. look around, how many of you plant an invisible barrier with your parents as you grow up, how many of us start to detest our parents as we mature and think with our own complicated mind. but of course, i know a proportions of people have a real happy family and i'm happy for these people really. congrats, because it is God-sent and please appreciate whatever efforts your parents have put in for the family. 

now i look back, and i ask myself, how could i have idolized my dad? nevertheless, i'm sure he was my superhero when i was a little boy. 

moving on, it feels just like yesterday when everything has happened. feels like yesterday when i just came back from HK, feels like yesterday when i just finished A'Boys, feels like yesterday when we started not to talk. 

i couldn't sleep last night and i was tossing around till 3am, and i was feeling like a zombie when i wasn't even sure that i woke up. i guess, it was because of a screwed up body-clock. and i'm trying to tune it back, i wished i could do it manually. how fun would that be. 

i hope i would stick to my plans, and i hope i have the discipline to resist against everything else. day by day, i can feel that we're more than a step a day adrift from each other. feels like, even if i have anything to say, you'll be too far away to hear me, so far away. 

i know, if you still read my blog, you'll agree that my writing improved. like how you always would be proud of me,