With Speed.

A couple more days and its what we've been fighting for. i just want to fight for myself, fight for something i deserve. i don't expect the best, but just what i deserve. thats enough, more than enough for me.

This is really crazy. i don't understand, sleeping makes me feel guilty. it makes you lose appetite, and creates irregular heartbeats. dysjuction of feelings, emotional thoughts and even lead to nervous breakdown.

Is it a must for all these to be put up for truth to hold. i find it a big turn off, i don't want to think and even mention. any degree relation, and i don't recognize, i reject. before time, it was possible, it still taste sweet. but it has turned bittersweet and i rather spit than swallow. so glad for decisions made, and regrets take. for all i know, it's worthwhile and i cannot imagine living hell. to even think of you, its my disuse.

Hardly had a breather. i tried to live without you and its working. everything went by without you, its like you've vanished. and i knew that it could work this way. i find it an awful chore to keep up, because i know it should be effortless. but then again, i know a effort made, will not be appreciated.

I think its a new thing. because my heart skipped a beat. but i'm never too sure, because no hopes harbored. the A's are really coming this time, if you get what i mean again, i mean i follow my heart, and i keep my head down to do my best.

I'm addicted to speed. i use speed to make myself feel better. i'm numb, and i don't want to make a mistake. i know i will regret one day, i can only hope it's nowhere near. i hope i stay disciplined. or rather, i don't ever feel this way again.

Yes, i have to sleep, all for the better good. because i have to wake 7 hours later, for the routine good. i really hope you push me away.