Fragility of Life.

I vividly remembered how nice it was a week or so ago. i remembered how warmth your hand felt and how comforting your words were. you sympathize with me, you seem like you know how i feel. your pat on my back tells me you understand my plight and at the point of time, it seemed like only you could comprehend my difficulties. you joked with me about life, and you make me laugh. you are special to me because regardless of your age, your sense of humor is ever-present. you told me what i can do to feel better, and you gave me comfort to think my way. you embrace my contributions and you make me think less, worry less. i remembered how nice it was to sit by your bed side, to watch the television with your hand in mine. and i will always remember your words.

The second last time i saw you, was the worst i have seen of you. i know you were already seeing things we cannot see, and refuse to face the fact that its almost time for you. it pains me because you cannot recognize me anymore, and you wont reach out for my hand again. but i reach out for yours, because i know you can listen and feel the presence of all your loved ones. your body trembled with every breath you take, and i know how much you want to live. i cannot do anything to help, i can only stand and wait. never in my world, that i would know it will be my second last time seeing you.

The moment i got the news, i rushed down and hope to see you again. i hope to see you for the last time, i hope you can hear my voice. but it was planned, that the last time i see you, you would stop breathing and you would lose the fight you fought your best. perhaps, it'll be better for you. i could only stand and pray inside. this time, i didn't have to talk, because i know you can hear me on the inside. that you would rest and go in peace.

Chinese New Year 2010 will be without you, and i have one less person who loves me. but i know you will be watching from up there, and i will always feel your love mama.