The Right Way.

please please please please please get well soon jumbo! this whole thing is such a shocker, no one expected you to go through this. i hope you dont feel bad, not at all. because you didn't want any of this to happen. all you have to think about now is to recover, and we all really hope to see you soon! 

seriously, it wasn't anything much but it set me thinking. it was just a show of affection, care and love, but i couldn't take any of it. i was just envious, so envious of being loved so hard by someone. to know surely, that she'll be there even through the darkest days. even without your presence, the only person and thing she thinks about is you. and when you're down, you're the only thing that mattered. really, i'm envious of you, and i feel good for you. i really really feel happy for you. :) 

here comes the joke of the day. tagawa ended around 10.45pm last night and i did the best i could to get to the MRT without slacking around. the whole point was to get home as early as i can to catch as much sleep as i can for this morning's training. in fact, i chose sleep over dinner. i didn't know what i was thinking, but i boarded the first freaking train that hit redhill. my ipod was on the low, i started reading when i boarded. when my ipod died, i heard this, 'next station, Chinese Garden'. i didn't know how to react, i wanted to curse and swear, i wanted to laugh out loud. i wanted to make a dig at myself, but its myself after all. i ended up taking the train at chinese garden at 11.30, only to get home at 12.30. this is so dumb because i dont get dinner, i dont get the extra sleep i wanted. HAHA, okay well done Superman. 

training is tough, and its hard to get by with the sun smiling so hard at you. but i dont know why, i enjoy it. maybe it's because i know time is short, and everything will be gone in a flash. maybe i was just trying to cherish whatever time i have left to commit. i dont know, but i just dont want any of this to end. it feels like my life, it feels like life is going to end. if it ends, i would get by, and get a new life, hopefully. 

school is a hell of a bore. i mean how much would you enjoy school if going to lectures and tutorials and it's all stuff you dont know, cause you're way behind time. so i rather enjoy spending my own sweet time in the library, ogling, enjoying music and the aircon. but at least, i get some work done! 

cant imagine how the next week would past, with some many shitz coming ahead! seriously, i am trying real hard to go the right way. not sure whats right, but i guess following what you believe would be the best option. 

i realized it has been my problem. it was just getting around at the beginning. then when i get to the edge, i dont have the courage to jump, to commit. i was afraid of the same thing, all along. 

the truth is, i have always been sexually attracted to you.