A tidal of good and bad.

these few days have been really weird, like i have been fighting with my thoughts, a lot a lot. and honestly i hate struggling with thoughts, cause they give you a sense of insecurity which is the last thing i would like to have. but really, its inevitable. its just how you face and make sense about certain things. 

i keep trying, really at my best, to not make decisions unless i have to. and until now, i haven't place a point, gave a judgement. sometimes, i think to myself, why do i have to try so hard for others, when others simply say and do what they like. saying and doing things that when i finally know about it, i get so hurt. but i still dont want to face it, unless i finally see and hear it with my eyes and ears. 

insignificant these people may be, i know i really dont have to care about what they say or think. but sadly the truth is, you cannot totally ignore the slightest thing that people say. especially when its about you. 

my greatest concern and confusion here, is what the heck these people are trying to do. it seems like only the superficial matters to you, and you would say anything. i want to know what is your motive and if you have any idea of what you're saying, i really hope you shoot if off my fucking face instead. 

as a matter of fact, i haven't heard it from you. but i'm waiting for a day, when you would expose all the shit that i'm tolerating. you're such that you change so quickly, but i really believe karma bites back. so really, just hand yourself over to time. the harder you try, the worst it seems. 

well, this is just a minority. there are still a great bunch of people out there who rocks my world to the max. and i'm just shooting my head off so i get a peace of mind today. i totally slept through my comfy bed and skipped chinese and i totally find it worth it. maybe not when i get my chinese results back! looking forward to training later, cause we never fail to have fun. 

i understand i understand all that you have, all that you have that you cannot decide. you know that you never had to explain to me, cause i always understand. but i just need to release the sadness within me once in awhile to keep going. i dont know why, but you get this. unfair to others? i really agree, but i dont know how you work. kill me but i keep getting on my feet for you. please dont exhaust it, i'm really afraid that one day i'll start to walk away.