Seth?

you ever hear me saying something like i have a feeling i'm going to die early? how early, i really dont know. but it just tells me its going to be earlier than anyone that's going to read this. i might just end up in a terrible death, something i dont really want to think about. i have many feelings, and usually they're quite right. in a way, i always hit the jackpot, only in the long run.

sad? depressing?

i just read 2 books and it really impact me a lot a lot. you may not see it, but the way i look at things kind of changed. my mentality and the voice within me, seem to have changed.
i read The Last Lecture and Tuesdays With Morrie.
both books are similar and they have the same message to send out to the world. it really saddens me to know that these people died. but then again, if they're not going to die, would we ever know about their greatness? am i to say that dying is great then?

these people die with dignity, they die with a legacy to pass on. even when they are on their deathbeds, they are still changing, they are still fighting. reading their books becomes so personal to me, and i deliberately find time alone to do it. of course, its not like i understand every aphorism in the books, but i try and i use examples and my relationships with people to understand what they really mean.

some that really hit me hard in the head .. "dont make a decision unless you have to.." , "learn to die, and you learn to live.." and the tension of opposites..

its not hard to really live the life you want. but is the life you're living in value of what you and the people around you need? it makes me understand that people now are running their lives half-asleep. we do what people wants, and what people think is right. we just go along and accept the way of living life. everything seems so perfect, but then again i really cannot go on and lie that deep down in me really is happiness.

to live without regret is almost the toughest thing you can ever do. its impossible to me, but in any case that you're going to die today, tomorrow or the next minute, try to reduce your list of regrets?

i read these books so intensely, and now its as though i'm ready for death. really, if death is going to hit me like what i thought, then i would face it with much courage.

the love of parents towards their kids should never be measured. or in way, its inmeasurable. it is evident now that kids really have problems with their parents, and i'm not excluding myself here. but in a way, i know that they love me. its just how differently parents know and express they love for their kids. honestly, would any parent want to drive their kids up the walls? i really dont believe so, and i try to give myself time to allow improvement.

dont let your emotions keep you back from whatever you're doing. get the best experience with your emotions and then you can walk away from it. you feel like crying? just fucking cry and weep all you want, before you tell yourself alright, i cried and now i'm walking away from crying.

my point here, is really to live life to the fullest. there are many different pespective on life and you can chose to take on any you find it comfortable for you. to really understand better, i really suggest anyone to read these books.

i find more joy helping others, making their days. it seemed like i become a happier person when i help someone. and then i realised the selfishness i have for myself at times.

not last, BEST OF LUCK FOR YOUR O'S LOUISA! :D