end of the year.

i always wanted to write this. but i'm too lazy and busy before the new year started.

went around and read people's blog during the new year period. everyone, maybe, most of them. would write about what they have done in 2005, all the bad and good stuff and they would end off with new year resolutions. most of them were happy with what they've done in 2005. but when i thought about mine. it wasn't as pleasant as others.

i thought, thought and thought. what have i done in 2005. basically, i dont feel good about '05. the whole year went around, i realised that i cant really concentrate in anything i did compared to the other years. most of time its because of relationship problems. and most of them are actually unneccessary. we argue or quarrel and then i'll feel really bad. and then i cant do anything. though i only had one relationship before. and this, my second. i'm always confident with dealing my relationship. but looking back at everything. it directly point to me that i suck in it. i always wanted to best for my girl. maybe i did too much. sometimes i feel that i fell too deeply. that i cant find my way out anymore. the worst thing is that i cant see a clear path in front of me. i know my relationship would still continue to have many problems coming ahead this year. but i'll try to resolve everything quickly. as quickly i can. i look back at '05, i've been unhappy majority of the time. i always thought that i'm a happy boy. a boy which makes people happy. and i know that was what people thought i was before '05. and i know that i proved everyone wrong about that. i'm sorry everyone. i promise, i promise that i will change. change to my usual-self.

i really want to thank my parents for all the past years. how much they've supported me. i know i'm their burden. i just look at how much money i've spent. how much troubles i've caused for them. how many times i made them unhappy and broke their hearts. how many times i made them shout at me. how many times they have to remind me to do things they told me to do. how many times they try and try to change my bad habit. how many times i've wronged them for thoughts they didn't thought about. for many nights that i've made them worry. for many times i didn't answer my phone and made them go mad. for many times i didn't fulfill my promise to go for dinner with them. for many times i made my father drive me around for golf tournaments. for many times that i didn't show my parents that i love them.
i will change.
i'm sorry Dad and Mum. i love you.

to my girl. i'm sorry that i made u unhappy so many times. for many times i broke your heart. for many times that i got angry too easily. for times when i couldn't give you what u wanted. for many times that i forced u to do something you didn't like. for times where i gave you too much restrictions. for many times where i didn't give u maximum security. for times where i raised my voice. and for all the stupid silence i gave.
i will change.
i'm sorry Dearest. i love you.

to my closest 2 besties. leon and andrea. i'm sorry for times that i was too unresonable at times. for many times i was too petty. for times i made u all hurt. for times where i affected both of u. for times where i couldn't be there for you all. for many many times that i wasn't that julian u all thought i was and could be. i'm sorry that i'm your burden sometimes.
i really sorry about all this. all the nonsense that i gave u all.
i will change.
i'm sorry Leon and Andrea. i love you all.

though there were many bad things that were going around for me in '05. but i'm glad that i managed to pull through most of them. because i have my two great friends, leon and andrea. plus my Dearest Louisa. :) some others were there before as well. zhengyi, poline, pamela, daryl, macus, athena, joelynn, kathe and zihui. if i didn't mentioned some others. let me know. i'll add again! :) much thanks to all this people. and thanks to the much loved 2h'05. so quickly we spent 2years together. and many things happen. luckily most of them were good. we turned from a total stranger to a perfectly bond class. now its sec3 already. zhengyi, binghao, bryan, leonard, hweeli, eelin, sulin and kristy went to other class. josephine and kirk went to IP. others stayed together as 3F. hopefully things would be better for 3F this year.

i'm really happy that i changed from '04 to '05 that i managed to push myself and study harder. i look back and realise that all that hardwork studying was a worthwhile. i really happy that i managed to retain my inter-school golf champion title. i'm really happy to see our basketball batch became much closer. i'm really happy that our basketball batch clinched two 2nd positions together. i'm really happy that i found you and after so much we went through, we're still standing together. i really happy that i made some new friends and managed to bond closer with some other friends. i'm really happy that i still have my friends around me.

some of the plans i've thought about '06.
1) i'm going to work harder with my studies. and i'm trying to top the class this time.
2) i'm going to work my body and prove andrea wrong.
3) i'm going to push my golf further. i want to be a single handicapper by the end of next year.
4) i'm going to push myself harder during basketball trainings. i want to learn from everyone in the team. i want to be a all-rounder. i want to be a threat on court.
5) i'm going to be a happier person. i dont want people around me to be unhappy.
6) i want to achieve another inter-school golf title again.
7) i want to change my relationship to something which can always make me smile when i think about it.
8) i want to bond closer with my friends.
9) i want to stay closer together with leon and andrea.
10) i want to make my parents feel good about me all the time.
11) i want to be a model.
12) i want to win the inter-school B'Div.
this 12 is what i just thought. and there should be more but i cant think of all of them now.

i wish and hope that i'll be a better person.

i wish and hope everyone would have a better year in '06. dont waste it. guess everyone should have their own goals and strive for them. wish everyone would be in the best of health. and wish that everyone would stay happy for the rest of the year.

take care everyone. goodnight.