Inflict.

I find it harder to come here nowadays. Days went by so fast, this quickly. Been in, hardly out and the weeks flew past me. The weeks running out, the days counting down to do the things i really want to do. Feeling afraid to lose the chance of doing things i want to do, or haven't done. To take this step forward is a dare, because i get so unsure. Ive made up my mind before, but when you're into it you get another perspective. Do i really get exposed or am i stuck in a well now?

I've been trying to be the best i can be. To learn from mistakes and not make the same ones. To help people, to help myself become stronger than how i used to be. I try to think of the big picture and not neglecting the small details. I tried to be my men's man. All in all, it was a good experience.

Is it really going to be just like that? Days are harder this way, but what can i do? Suck it up i know, because yes you've been treated like garbage again. Not new, but i want to know why. Because i keep seeking for answers within myself. Keeping myself busy and occupied is one, but whether you are in denial or not is another. My light never did shine again. Is it really that easy for you? There is no point anymore. Things that associate with you, i have to stop doing, thinking and looking. I will try, to stop bleeding.

I just feel sad, that things have to go this way. Things have to end this way because of reasons i will never know. Reasons i don't know how long and how easy you've been able to make it. But either way, a trooper has to move his legs.